{ this past year }

In our very first post, I alluded to the fact that this past year has been at times great {after all, we got married this past year!}, and at times, one we wish we could erase.  This past year {or our "happily ever after" as some may refer to it as} has been eventful - to say the least.  Without getting too in depth, here's a quick recap (somewhat in order) of what's been going on in our little Reed family (of two).  Embrace yourself, this post is long.  There's your fair warning.

• My young, precious uncle and wonderful grandpa both passed away. 
• My very young aunt passed away the day before our wedding, after a long battle with breast cancer.
• We bought a house.
• Adam and I got married.
• I was laid off.
• We endured the hardest family/friend situation we have ever faced.  Without going into detail, I will say it involved a great deal of emotional hurt, betrayal, and anger (even though we were not the direct victims).  This has challenged our faith the greatest, brought the most tears, and created the most frustration.
• Adam's sweet grandma passed away.
• Many other random, yet unfortunately very common "can't we catch a break?!" moments {such as my ER visit which cost a fortune, and without health insurance (ramification of no job) set us back big time}.
• Oh yes, and I also gained the "not-so-sweet marital 15."  {15 LBS that is!  Superficial?  Yes.  But still, you add that to everything else and that is hard on a girl's self-esteem!}

The one constant thing, that has sustained us through this eventful (and often times sad) year is God.  I've clung to three verses that constantly remind me of God's ability to use tough, uncertain times, to bring Him glory.   Here are those three verses:

 { Romans 5:1-5 }

"Therefore, since we have been justified through our faith,

let us have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. 

And let us rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 

Not only so, but let us also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope.

And hope does not disappoint us, because

God has poured out his love into our hearts

by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

{ James 1:2-4 & 12 }

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

..."Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,

because when he has stood the test,

he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

{ 1 Peter 1:3-9 }

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! 

In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the Resurrection of Jesus Christ

from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -  kept in heaven for you,

who through faith are shielded by God's power

until the coming of salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than any gold,

which perishes even though refined by fire -

may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

Though you have not seen him, you love him;

and even though you do not see him now,

you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the

 salvation of your souls."

I feel very blessed to have lived a wonderful life with a supportive family and loving husband.  This past year I have come to realize how much I've taken for granted this wonderful life and that saddens me.  But, I've learned a lot this past year and honestly, without enduring each of these painful experiences I don't think I would be as close to God, Adam or my family.  It's sad, but very true that often times I neglect God when things are going great, and then desperately cry out to Him when things don't go well.  Can you say selfish?  Gees.  I don't know {and may never know} all the reasons why these things have happened, but I do know that God has used these things to draw me closer to Him.  For that I am so thankful.  I also know that God probably planned this out to all happen within our first year of marriage because it would've been too much for either of us to handle alone - first without the Lord, then without each other.  But even in the saddest of days for us, it's so awesome to realize that we have grown closer to God and to each other throughout all of this. 

For the first time {ever!} this year I went to a women's bible study at our church.  I'll be honest, I was expecting not to like it, to feel out of place, for it to be a bunch of old {sorry, but it's really what I thought!} women sobbing, and to come home regretting ever going.  Just the opposite happened.  I loved it.  I wondered why I had waited so long to go, and why I had made so many assumptions!  There were women of all ages, and I loved each of them who openly shared, encouraged each other and me, and prayed for and with me.  Here's the thing, when your parents are in ministry or you've grown up in the church, it's so awesome; but it can also feel like, "OK there are SO many people hurting, lost, sad, etc. that need help.  My job is to buck up, not to ever ask for help, always help others, etc."  My parents never once made me feel that way, or any of us kids for that matter, but I think it's a pressure {I know I at least} put on myself.  So, when this year rolled around, and I realized, "Hm, nothing seems to be going good.  I'm now the sad one going through a rough time," it was a very humbling experience.  After all, I am supposed to be the one that has it all together.  Or so I thought.  Anyways, the study we went through was called "Discovering the Voice of God," by Priscilla Shirer.  The whole study is amazing, and I highly recommend it - even if everything in your life is just dandy!  One of my favorite parts of the book says this,

"Never think your circumstances are disconnected from God's leading and His will. 
Don't spend your time wishing you could get out of the season of life you are in;
rather, spend your time looking fervently for God's hand in your situation."

Wow.  This was exactly what I needed to hear.  Instead of being frustrated or sad, wishing or hoping for our situation to change, I felt encouraged to embrace each circumstance and be content just listening for what God might be trying to teach me.  It also reminded me that while these things felt earth shattering to my somewhat sheltered life, there are MUCH worse things that could have or might still happen in the future.  In fact if you're reading this, and have faced a trial, no matter how big, or small, you might be thinking, "what a wuss she is!  She wouldn't know a trial if it hit her in the face!"  Haha, I hope you're not thinking that, but just know that for me, my world was somewhat rocked upside down this past year.  Yet, how assuring it is to know that every circumstance {big or small} in our lives are connected with God's leading and His will for us. And what a blessing to early on in our marriage learn to fully rely on the Lord to provide.

At the end of the day, God is good and I have no excuse to complain.  His blessings are abundant and I certainly do not deserve this life God's graced me with.  Each day is different and I would be lying if I said I live everyday with a euphoric feeling of "everything is going to be OK."  But regardless of how depressed I might feel some days, I also feel so abundantly blessed.  I pray that you too, no matter what trial you're experiencing, will remember to fully rely on God and remember to thank Him for all the blessings in your life.

Here are a few wedding pics.  Just because, well, this was & still is the highlight of our year!